Archelon Ranch
Garrett Cook

Buy this title from our shop.

Title: Archelon Ranch
Author: Garrett Cook
Released: 01/10/2009
Paperback: 116 pages
Dimensions: 203 x 127 mm
ISBN: 978-0-9805938-2-2

Cover art by:
Jude Coulter-Pultz

Available here:

LegumeMan Shop

Read the first chapter

Garrett Cook's website.


Je ne suis pas un chapeau. Je suis un homme…

In an overgrown, primeval, jungle-city state, Bernard is a test subject for science experiments. His father and Professor Sagramour have been injecting him with hallucinogenic mud and reality affirming drugs so that one day man will be immune to the insanity inducing, zombifying sentient green mud that is choking the suburbs. But Bernard is beginning to display side effects. Experiencing greater and greater levels of Objectivity cause his consciousness to become one with entities as diverse as pterosaurs and martinis. In the mind of the tyrannosaurus he hears the call of Archelon Ranch, a primal paradise like no other. Will Bernard’s unique talents be enough to get him out of the senseless prehistoric cyberpunk city or will dinosaurs, Sagramour’s Standardizers and the desire to lose himself in other entities be too much?


My name is Clyde and this is not my story. I’m supposed to be an extra in my brother’s life. In fact if I hadn’t been sneaky enough to assert my existence on the page, I wouldn’t exist at all. I was a ne’erdowell raptor spray salesman, trading bananas and heroin to orangutans and selling my extra raptor gas to school children. Then one day, I discovered Narrativism. I realized that we were all living inside a book, a book by pretentious, Bizarro pulp hack and perennial sad-sack, Garrett Cook. And after that, I discovered something else: that my oft-tortured brother, Bernard, was actually the protagonist of this book, Archelon Ranch.  So, I help the guy escape and what does he do? He forgets me, that’s what! Well, I’m not going to take it. This is not my story, but my story’s going to eat this story alive. I’ll be the one at Archelon Ranch and Garrett Cook and Bernard and their plans…

LegumeMan Books © 2009 All Right Reserved